Matrimony Part 2
The real meaning underlining modern marriage.
What are the driving forces behind matrimony in daily practice?
- To procreate.
- To join forces politically economically and socially for each spouse’s benefit.
- For betterment of one spouse’s position financially and professionally.
- To complement each spouse’s skills and aptitude.
- To share ideas and pastimes in common.
- To learn new ways from the other spouse and vice versa (to travel abroad and work overseas).
- To grow together to create a binding and lasting union.
- For mutual comfort and contentment.
What is the secret of matrimonial significance and its radicalism? This lies in the reasons the spouses entered the matrimony. You may of course dote on your children but you will be disappointed to justify your marriage on the children of that union. You marry your spouse for him or her first and foremost. Children may be rewarding but they will always grow up and leave home one day. A ‘lovey dovey’ relationship with your spouse will not succeed. Be affectionate yes but no spouse should lessen their independence and integrity in matrimonial relations. You should always retain your freedom to operate in marriage or it becomes a shackle. Each spouse should support the unfettered power of choice of the other spouse within the marriage’s privacy. There must be absolute confidence marital confidentiality will not be breached. It is difficult for a spouse who believes the other is embarking on a reckless course of conduct. A judgement must be made to support or contradict the other spouse. Both spouses should be conscious of give and take. They must endeavour to resolve matters between themselves with due understanding and lack of resentment. At the end of the day the imperative of a duty of privacy in a transaction of one spouse unknown to the other spouse will sometimes be called for subject to that course of conduct being disclosed in the interim to another close family member.
It may not be possible to disclose the transaction to the other spouse in the short term for fear of jeopardising a highly valued and difficult transaction. All depends on the relations between the spouses and the risk of one spouse impeding the action plan of the other. No marital vow can envisage all the positions that arise between husband and wife. Each spouse should act in a spirit conciliatory. The objective is not the survival of the marriage at all costs but the pursuit of goodness inside and outside the marital union namely charity.
3. The Strength of the Marital Union
Marriage creates power in the hands of the spouses and above all should be outward looking and altruistic. Such matrimony when properly driven forward is of immense value to everyone who is touched by it. Sadly we do not often see it. Many marriages are private and hidden from outside view. I cannot quarrel with that but I seek a matrimony born of Heaven itself. Let us not be content with second best but inspire each other to reach the highest heights. That means taking risks but not with your children rather being prepared to risk your own personal comfort and security for the goodness to be given by you to your spouse. Nothing can be achieved in marriage without personal undaunted sacrifice. You may even have to risk the ire and enmity of your spouse and dare I say it living apart for the sake of crystal clear communication within the matrimony. I exhort all married couples to strain at the leash and test each other to the limit. That way the true worth of each spouse will come to the fore and the marriage will blossom and grow. Pursue your conscience’s dictates and be prepared for a little hostility. Matrimony has never been a bed of roses. Straight speaking is vital but there must always be tact in the unspoken word. Matrimony will never reach fruition and its proper Zenith without the all pervading authority of individual conscience and its province un-encroached. With that properly prepared conscience there is no limit to what matrimony may achieve. However humble people may be they still have to face these challenges as married couples. The challenge to stand firm the call to keep a confidence the impetus to speak up. Within marriage the spouses are infinitely better placed than single people to deal with these matters.
To marry or not to marry? I say marry unhesitatingly. To stay married? I argue again strongly affirmatively. Marriage is the ultimate test of life that leaves the priesthood and religious life in the shadows. A very holy monk endorsed that position to us at the nuptial mass in his homily. You only stay married if you want to. It is not the stigmata or a crippling illness. You have to really want it or you will lose it. A pearl beyond price – yes and thus take good care of it. It will not come round again. You only have one chance of real fulfilment. I speak trenchantly but fiercely and with conviction. I will defend any marriage given half a chance. If you have found your eternal spouse show us all and above all tell us. For man and woman were made for each other as God Almighty is described in His ultimate act of creation in the Book of Genesis. God the Father does not make mistakes – Thank God.